We’re All Terrorists Now

W. A. Barrett, San Jose State University

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Byline, Associated Press, February 23, 2004:

Education Secretary Rod Paige called the nation's largest teachers union a "terrorist organization" Monday, taking on the 2.7-million-member National Education Association early in the presidential election year.

Paige's comments, made to the nation's governors at a private White House meeting, were denounced by union president Reg Weaver as well as prominent Democrats. Paige said he was sorry, and the White House said he was right to say so.

In the rest of this article, Paige apologized for the remark, claiming that it was just a “bad joke”. Such a joke is rather like the racist jokes that used to circulate about Italians, Poles, Irish, Catholics, and blacks. We’ve gotten over those and most sensible people never tell them, unless it’s about “dumb blondes”, which I guess is still politically correct.

However, Paige either has a very poor sense of humor or he has a serious underlying antagonism to the NEA and its 2.7 million teachers.

I suspect the latter. You will notice that the White House did its best to put a damper on this little controversy, claiming that Paige’s remark, while extreme, did make some sort of point about teachers and their unions. Also, Paige still has his job, and can presumably go on telling similar little “jokes”, though, of course, only to those on the inside, lest he infuriate even more groups of people.

But let’s see. Suppose Paige is right. Maybe the NEA really is a terrorist organization, meaning that all 2.7 million members of various teacher’s unions are also terrorists. Have we all connected with Bin Laden, anxiously awaiting each of his video tape releases appearing on Al Jazeera? Are we all really members of “sleeper cells”, just waiting for our marching orders? Are some of us ready to become suicide bombers?

This is serious stuff, and it puts my whole career and life in a totally different light.

The next step, obviously, is for Paige to send over the NEA mailing list to Ashcroft and the FBI with a request that they investigate. I’m sure the FBI and CIA would like lots more tips on Americans (or are we really Americans, given that most of us disagree with the Bush administration?). That can give them plenty to do. At the very least it would justify another big increase in their budget, and trigger more tax cuts for the rich to pay for it.

After that would come the secret deportations. Under the Patriot Act, the administration need not tell anyone that it’s arrested me and all the other teachers on the campus. (We are all members of the CFA, which is affiliated with the NEA, through payroll deductions, if for no other reason). That would have to be done quietly. The students would only notice an eerie silence on campus, empty classrooms, and department chairs frantically calling faculty at home to see why they didn’t show up. That is, if the department chairs and deans were not also deported.

What are you going to do about this? Keep quiet in case they decide to come after you, next?

And, by the way, I fully expect to be investigated, given all the catchwords appearing in this little satire, and given that the Justice department is crawling the web looking for outspoken people like me. I happen to be liberal, and disagree with most of the Bush administration’s policies, but nowadays that makes me a terrorist, right?